msg from Tim S - Insight into Transplant

For those of us who have been through transplants rose colored glasses seem to come with the tranplant procedure in a little invisible bag with parent, sister, husband or wife written on it. These folks that are dear to us want to wish and pray to have us come back to life as we have always been.

I remember my wife telling me how great things were going all of the time and how things were moving along wonderfully. I did not eat for almost 20 days. I lost my sense of taste and smell. My salivary glands were gone. I hurt like hell with one infusion after another.

The bathroom was miles away. Even twisting the handle was a chore. When I was given an infusion of a drug to stop nausea, it no sooner hit the tube before I was sick. I went through every drug they had up to opium to try to stop things.

Noise hurt. Light hurt. My skin hurt.

Yet those around me found everything to be fine. It is okay. It helped them to experience something never seen before in the most hopeful way they could.

I had difficulty with the priest who visited when he told me that what I was going through was God's will and part of his special plan. I asked him not to return until he had a better rationale for things. I guess it was God's will that I asked him to leave.

Those who have been through this stuff would be somewhat skeptical of Ms. Butterfly being up and gingerly walking around her room. She is pumped full of prophlyctic medications to ward off every thing imaginable, preparation drugs to ward off allergic reactions to whatever the next dose will be, pain killers that maybe approach dulling the pain in her joints, hands, shoulders, hips, back, and every other area that can hurt.

Butterfly is so very bright that you know that she is tormented by the constant presense of the questions "what's next?" and "what if" ?

Butterfly has given to all a gift of her courage.

We can only empathize with the feelings of her mom, her father, sister and brother. We have no idea what Christine is going through. We can only pray that she emerge from the other side fulfilling her mother's and all of our hopes for her.

God's hand is guiding her through all of this. She is special in his eyes having bestowed upon her so many gifts that she has so willingly shared with so many.

I know that for many of us she is the light at the end of the tunnel, a person to listen to and learn from, a person to watch so we also can experience her zest and amazement.

Good will happen. It is her way.

Tim