I set this blog aside for a few years because I was pursuing an MFA at Pepperdine and at the same time, fell in love and married my wonderful husband. There was a part of me that wanted to leave the label "cancer patient" behind: to sever the painful experience from my memory and walk forward as if nothing happened. But I've learned you gain nothing and lose a part of yourself by trying to pretend nothing difficult or traumatic ever happened to you. It is through life's uncertain and dark moments that we forge our strength.
Each one of us has struggled or is struggling at some level. It is what makes us human, and gives us the ability to be emphatic and compassionate for others. Pretending we are "doing awesome" and living a "totally epic" life are just shimmering walls we erect to hide our true need to love and be loved. I can't tell you how many times I've met with a friend whose Facebook page gleams with party pics and envious moments; but whose real life is shattered, and self-worth in the gutter. We'd rather pretend to be happy that actually do the relationship work that gives us lasting happiness.
So after a long absence, I return but with a different purpose. Though I will continue to post about the heroics of marrow donors and patients, this blog will also include life through the eyes of someone who has had many moments with death, many conversations with God, and many shared magical moments with others who understand that life is beautiful, all of it: the pain, the joy, the exuberance, the grieving, the failures and the victories. Life is multi-faceted. Living all these moments is what makes life full and balanced.
So next time you're on social media, look deep into all those gleaming, smiling photos, and know that you are only seeing a very small rose-colored side of that person's multi-faceted life. Know that a photo only captures a fleeting moment, and a fleeting moment is not reality.
Go forward and Love more.