And What Followed...

Monday, October 9, 2006

Scared right now - Need prayers

I am fighting through a sedative fog in my hospital bed to write this so forgive me if i sound less than eloquent.

The past 24 hours have been a terrible storm of 104 degree fevers, cramping, burning, violent chills, heart palipilations, swelling and malaise. My blood counts plummeted to critical levels, lower than when I was moved to the village. I am writing because a doctor said that this may be an indication of graft failure. What that means is that even though the marrow grafted, it may fail to produce enough white cells, red cells and platelets to keep a patient alive. So I just need you guys to pray for me because there isn't much else the doctors can do if that is the case. I'm tethered to IV poles again. And honestly, though I have peace in my heart for whatever God has planned for me, I'm sorta scared right now.

The "cardiac failure" miscommunication occured not just because of a bad cell phone connection, but probably because I was terribly out-of-it when I talked to Cray, There was a nurse in the room taking my vitals and i probably mumbled to Cray about how my blood pressure was too high and my pulse rate was way above normal and that they were going to do an EKG because they were worried about my heart.

It's so weird to live in these extremes. Saturday night I spoke to a black-tie standing ovation, escorted to the stage by Mr. Helford himself (as in the guy whose name is on the hospital I am in right now) and the very next night I am too weak to stand and fighting for my life. I was shaking in tears throughout the night because of the pain and my mom tried to comfort me by saying, "just remember last night, you were in glory." One day the you feel like the world is wide open and the next you feel like the world is ending. But you just got to keep pushing and going and loving and BELIEVE.

I love you guys all so much. I'm not exactly sure what is going on myself. But I am sending my heart out to all of you.

much love,

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